“Processing Your Emotions”
by Dr. Patti Britton

[This is modified from the landmark best-selling book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, by John Gray, Ph.D.]

I have almost all couples do this process, and many singles find great value from doing it, too….. You can do a simple one or a novella, and share it with the object of your letter or keep it to yourself. There are many ways to do the process. The most important thing is that you “just do it”, expressing your ‘negative’ emotions to get back in touch with the good ones. Writing a Love Letter will bring you back to what I call peace.

The premise is this: You wouldn’t be upset or “incomplete” about something or someone in your life unless there was love (or peace) at the root of it. For example, if you are feeling angry with your spouse, you will benefit from clearing the air and getting back to the foundation of love that brought you together in the first place, right?

Using the guidelines on the next page, write a few sentences about each emotion, using the prompt words in the examples that follow. Keep going through all of the emotions, and be sure that you finish it, to get back to the basis of love. At the end of each section, be sure to write about what you want, in relation to what you expressed. Finally, sign your letter. And be sure to add a P.S. stating simply what response you wish you could get back, such as “I love you, Randy, and hope you can forgive me for neglecting your feelings all this time…” Make up your own.

I have found that the most powerful process is writing one to your partner (or the person or thing with whom you have an upset) and reading it aloud to that person. You may write to your husband, a boss, a situation, God, or your “ex”. Plus, if as a couple you get to exchange Love Letters, a greater awareness of the truth, healing for each of you, and personal growth are the results. Unexpressed emotions poison you and your relationship, so this is a pathway to healthy relationships. You may even want to write a Love Letter to yourself!

If you cannot read your letter to the object of your letter, then find a trusted friend, relative, or read it to me, if we are working in sex coaching, to find the true gifts from the process. Hearing your own feelings expressed aloud can be the pathway out of them.

Be honest, do not censor your words, and go for the full truth!

To your emotional freedom,

Dr. Patti Britton

****************************************************
Processing Your Emotions

Dear ____________________________ Date ________

I am writing to share my feelings with you.
1. For ANGER
• I don’t like it….
• I feel frustrated…
• I am angry that…
• I am so mad about…
• I’m furious when you….
• I feel annoyed…
• I want….

2. For SADNESS
• I feel disappointed…
• It’s so disheartening that…
• I am sad that….
• I feel hurt…
• It makes me feel like crying when you….
• I wanted….
• I want…

3. For FEAR
• I feel worried…
• I am afraid….
• I have terror that…
• I feel scared….
• I do not want….
• I need….
• I want….

4. For REGRET
• I feel embarrassed…
• I am sorry…
• I regret that…
• I feel guilty about…
• I feel ashamed….
• I didn’t want…
• I want….

5. For LOVE
• I love…
• I like it when…
• I’m happy about….
• I understand…
• I forgive…
• I appreciate…
• I thank you for….
• I know…
• I want….

P.S. The response I would like to hear from you is:

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