Wouldn’t you like to be a great seducer? Most men would. The art of seduction is not a myth. It is a learned set of behaviors, just like becoming a good lover, or a good golfer or a good sales person. It doesn’t just show up. It takes understanding, preparation and honing skills. There are definite ways to tease her out of her daze and get her to focus on the dude you are— with what you say, what you do, and the impression you make on her.
Men often tell me that they use “seduction lines” to get into a conversation with a gal, but women tell me that (just like their male counterparts) how he looks, acts, feels and comes across at first glance, word or deed can be the determinant that makes it last a lifetime or blow away in a hiccup. Whether your first encounter propels your chances for a lifelong relationship of marital bliss, or is one of those repeated 5-minute preludes that lead to rejection, is up to you.
The five seduction skills below will help you get out the rut of wanting to meet Ms Right and fumbling your way to a no-score each time. Take a look, take good mental notes, and then practice until it all feels like second nature.
SKILL #1: WHAT YOU SAY CAN HURT YOU
One of the most surprising things about being seductive is the impact you make on a person because of how you speak. Yep, I mean open your lips and make a sound. If you are a jerk— insulting, mumbling in a drunken stupor, or overly sarcastic—you’ll probably fail at luring her into bed later on. If you can learn how to woo her with your sweet talk, romantic twists, even your direct asking, you will get lucky. First, you have to think and talk like a tease.
I have a client who is seeing me because he keeps attracting women who want a capital R relationship, while he only wants playmates. Nothing wrong with that, except he’s feeling guilty. He is a big flirt. And he uses those velvety brown, sparkling bedroom eyes to look into her eyes, tilts his head just right, strokes his fingers through his thick wavy dark hair, and smiles with his pearly whites as if to say, “I could really get into you, darlin’”. But the babes are reading it like, “Gee, maybe this guy really wants a relationship with me.” He doesn’t. But he does at least get them into bed. He is a great seducer, because he’s a big flirt and it works like a charm every time. Of course, the fact that he’s also a highly paid pro in his field and doesn’t hesitate to talk about his earnings ration doesn’t hurt his chances either. But how you talk can get you extra mileage for a free flight every time.
SKILL #2: UNAVAILABILITY AND OTHER TACTICS
Another secret of seduction is being unavailable. I can’t stress this enough. If there is one thing that women fall for, over and over, is the Unavailable Male (UM). Say, “UM” to yourself if you have fading memory syndrome. Sending signals that you are lonely, needy or desperate will send her packing. But giving the aura that you are interested but not that eager is like flypaper to a buzzing babe. Perhaps it’s related to that now famous formula for what makes attraction happen, (from The Erotic Mind), A=E+PO. Attraction equals excitement plus a Perceived Obstacle. Unavailability (that perceived obstacle), whether it’s related to your time, interest or emotions, can make a woman clamor for the little crumbs that you can throw her way. UM-it.
Another style that may fit yours is the direct approach. So there you are, sitting on that barstool, it’s 11 pm and you’ve been eyeing this chick for hours, maybe even had a few words you’ve exchanged, and you lean in, look into her eyes, smile slightly and say, “Hey, babe, you’re hot. Wanna screw?” Now, I can’t tell you that this is numero uno approach that’s going to get you sweaty. But, honestly, some women prefer a straight shooter. They’re horny, you’re feeling raunchy, and bingo! What a match. She may toss her beer at your face or, better yet, start putting her cigs in her bag to slide off the stool and into your bedroom.
You’ve got to prep. I am talking about the inner dialogue, mental rehearsal that gets you ready for action. Maybe you want to stand in front of your shaving mirror each morning before work or hanging out at the track, and say to yourself, boldly and with conviction,
“I AM THE SEDUCER!” Self-talk can go a long way in changing thinking then behavior. Once you cross that line and really believe in yourself as a seductive man, you’re ready for success. Talk to yourself with an “I can do this” attitude. Keep reminding yourself that you ARE the seducer then act as if you are wherever you go. The men I’ve coached (or their females) who truly believe they are seductive always are the first in line to cheerlead themselves to the goal. And they rarely fail. It’s not how you look, it’s how you think and feel. But, there are some physical aspects to being seductive that can work, too.
SKILL#3: HOW YOUR PLACE APPEARS IS A GO OR NO-GO PROPOSITION
First, prepare your pad. Clear the decks and check out the visuals, the sounds, the furnishings and the clean factor.
Here are some examples:
• no dirty skivvies or boxers on the floor (this is not an aphrodisiac and she’s not your puppy)
• nice quality furnishings (you can shop at a discount store or blow your wad at a quality store, but make it look classy)
• no pix of you with the Dallas Cowgirls naked (come on)
• no dirty or broken stuff lying all around the place
• bed made, things put away, dishes in the cabinets, not all over the coffee table, floor, and counters with a week’s old food dried on (the YUK factor)
• no Spanish Inquisition type lighting, please. Don’t make her feel like you’re about to put her on the stand for a jury trial; instead, create warm flattering lighting for both of you to see each other, create relaxation (even candles or low lighting to simulate candleglow is a good way to go)
Cleanliness is akin to attractiveness. I don’t know many women who like to be in a dirty place or really messy guy’s pad. It’s a turn off, guys, like seeing her wastebasket overflowing with reminders of last month’s period (ewwww), so keep the place neat, tidy and clean. Hire a cleaning person if you can’t keep it up (your house or apartment/room). Don’t make me call in the anti-mess or anti-slob police!
• minimize extraneous outside noises, such as the neighbor’s leaf blower (get rid of horrendous distractions)
• hang heavy drapes on the windows to keep sound out and cozy in (mmm, nice)
• keep your CD player or Ipod near the bed, with speakers handy to flip to “on” (for mood-making)
• ask her what she likes for music, keep a variety handy, focus on pleasing her ears, not bursting your eardrums
• phones and pagers off, keep distractions to a minimum, show her your respect. (It’ll go a long way to getting her to take off her dress or shirt, I assure you.)
SKILL #4: WOMEN DO JUDGE YOUR BOOK BY YOUR COVER
Remember that guy who keeps getting laid but they want to get married? Well, his has great looks. He was “born with it”, those handsome qualities, but he amps it up to his advantage. He is a good looking guy, with well-groomed hair, clean smile, muscular and taut, manicured nails, shaved face, and groovy clothes that make him warm and appealing. You can be this, too. How to amp up your personal looks? There are few key areas to consider, when prepping for seduction. First, good grooming is a must. Whatever you do, shower, bathe, brush your teeth (and floss) regularly, keep your dental work current, get a haircut when it’s over your eyebrows or crowding your shoulders (unless you look like Fabio and can get away with that look), clean your nails (and cut off the sharpies), iron your wrinkled duds, and shave or not, depending on the appeal you think you have with or without facial hair. Maybe you want that Pierce Brosnan look of the tousled, just out of bed lover– or having just hiked Mt. Everest, rugged look. You have to find what accentuates your positive features, and what type of woman you want to attract. If you think that you want a woman who shops at Neiman Marcus who will like your torn bell bottoms and half shaven face, think again. If, instead, you want to get a girl who’s standing in the doorway of Abercrombie and Fitch, dress into that style. How you look can determine whether you even get a glance from the woman of your dreams. I promise you.
SKILL #5: ROMANCE IS OUR YOUR SIDE
I know that you are going to want to barf, maybe, if you read about romance one more time. But I will assure you, for most women who are breathing specimens of the human race, she’ll respond to your romantic ways. Here are some tried and true ideas for how to romance her, aside from knowing how to say romantic words, like, “Honey, I can’t imagine being without you…”, or, “I love the way you smell…” or “Kiss me, I am so in love with you!” These are not just the fodder of romance novels. Women adore being adored. your words and actions can move her into your arms. Trust me on this one. What are some things you can do? Well, (don’t choke now) give her chocolates for special occasions. (Chocolate, btw, activates chemicals that mimic the state of being in love. That is one reason why chocolate got so popular in the first place). Send or give a greeting card that expresses an emotion. Make her laugh with your humor. Order flowers and have them sent to her office. Spicy and romancing emails are instant and fun. And for goddess’ sake, remember her birthday and your anniversary. Paying attention to the energy of love is what will seal the deal.
Once you have attracted her with your seductive skills, get savvy about being a good lover. Seduce her on a daily basis and you’ll enjoy a lifetime of nookie. But, for now, repeat after me, “I AM THE SEDUCER!” You are. Now, go get her!
Original article #23
On Being Seductive
By Dr. Patti Britton