Well, it’s that time again: Fall is the start of a new school year —and for some of us, it’s that time to GET SERIOUS. Planning for the future comes with those autumnal vibes. Harvesting our summer’s planting is the theme of this activity (if you like to get into the agricultural mode).
One couple, Margie and Tom, met in the heat of passion over the summer and had a wild fling for a sizzling, sexual, fall-head-over-heels-in-love two-week run. Now they find themselves stuck in assessing the reality of their relationship potential, as they attempt to create a lasting, passion-filled relationship that’s not just a summer romance. How do they do that?
Well, here are some suggestions to follow if this feels like this could be your story:
1. Write down ten or more characteristics that define your ideal mate. Put down things like: handsome, tall, honest, like’s pets, solvent, sense of humor, single (this can be an issue or not!), etc
2. Now, be honest. Look over the situation with your new beau or babe. Write a list of descriptors about your partner. Put a check mark beside the ones that are positives. Its okay to list the bad things, too, like their constantly twirling of her hair or his addiction to the sports channel.
3. Match up the two lists of both your ideal mate and the positives about your newly found lover. You may find that this new person meets most of those qualities or comes close. Then again, he or she could be from another planet when you compare answers.
4. Now, go back and assign a value of 1-5 (with 5 being highest) for how important this is to you. Mark both your ideal list and the positives for this new sweetheart. For example, maybe your new hottie lives across the country and that’s a 1 (unimportant) to you as your job lets you fly around the continent every week; or maybe he has a spending problem and your last husband put you into bankruptcy for his mismanagement of your funds and that’s a 5 (very important) to you. How important an issue is that to you?
5. Once you assign scores and values to each characteristic of both your ideal mate and this one, you will get a sense of how real are your chances for survival of the relationship. The more honest with yourself you can be, the more helpful this process. Add up the numbers of each list and compare them. Are they similar? Are they worlds apart? This is one way to get a handle on reality, like it or not. It may be the assessment tool you need to either let it go or affirm that this may be ‘the one’.
6. Give yourself credit for taking the risk to assess the likelihood of this relationship becoming (and staying) real. I always remember the wonderful children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit, about being real. If you are having a difficult time in facing the truth about this new dive in the pool of lust and love, read it. Or book an appointment with me now.