Maybe you are trying to “talk dirty” with your man and can’t find the right words of are gagging at even the mere thought of how to open your mouth and say them. It could be that you are searching for how to tell your gf that actually you used to be known as Mr. Romantic and can’t find the way to show it by talking to her. Or you’re searching for how to talk to your lover in the style that’s right for you. Maybe you want to show a guy that you like him, or maybe your lifelong partner enjoys having you tease her into ecstasy. Using your mouth to say what’s on your mind can add a special spin to an evening in PJ’s or a night on the town. Let’s start with the basics. Men really tend to be the more visual and women the more auditory and kinesthetic. I did my Ph.D. dissertation on pornography films (yes, they used to be made as films then as videos) and found the research to back up this assumption. Of course, like all generalizations not ALL men are motivated sexually by what they see, just like not ALL women are cajoled into the bedroom by sexy words or a quick pat on the cheek (either kind).
I believe that many women (and some men) can learn a lot to propel them into better sex in the boudoir by adjusting the dials on their erotic speaking styles. To have great sex, or even to have sex happen at all, you may need to activate that head-heart-crotch connection. Some people get turned on by the realm of the mind. Others feel more sexual when their hearts are open (emotionally ready). Others like to talk about what to do or what they may like to have happen sexually, in a very explicit but not necessarily erotic ways. And finally, there are those who get off from “down’n’dirty” raunchy talk, like you might hear in a XXX flick. It’s important to find your unique erotic speaking style, which will be covered in more detail in my next book, for Rodale Press, on foreplay for couples.
What’s your erotic speaking style? You may surprised to learn which one fits you best. For now, try these on for size:
• Soft Core
• XXX/ Hard Core
What might someone say to communicate with a lover in each of the four erotic speaking styles? Picture yourself in this situation. You’re sitting in the living room, about to have a glass of wine or juice with a lover. It’s late in the evening, you aren’t feeling like ending your “date” yet, and you want to say how you are feeling.
1. “I think you’re a fascinating guy, Henry.”
2. “I admire your aesthetics, Marcia.”
1. “I adore you, Henry.”
2. “I feel so close to you, Marcia.”
C. Soft core
1. “I want you to suck on my clit, Henry.”
2. “I want you to go down on me, Marcia.”
D. XXX, Hard Core
1. “Fuck my pussy, Dude…”
2. “Suck my hard cock, bitch!”
So, you can tell, I’m sure, that each of these erotic speaking styles has its own distinct flair and flavor. Discover which one feels right for you and try them all on for size until you find the one that fits you best. You may want to start at A. then escalate up (or make that down) to D. Raunch-ify your bedroom banter and see what happens! Just like Goldilocks and three little bears in the fairy tale, until you try all the beds, you won’t know which one’s “just right” for you.