This month, Dr. Patti’s wisdom is featured in a story in Women’s Health about the new sex survey from YourTango the magazine hubspot and Durex the condom makers….which btw, runs different sex surveys regularly. Very interesting site!
It showed some pretty amazing findings, such as that sex over time in a relationship gets better. That’s not what the monkeys tell us! Biology, that is…as the socio-biologists found, over time we tend to lose the lust and move more into a comfortable place of companionship; that’s great for building a long lasting bond but not so great for keeping sizzle going, now, is it? Just read Esther Perel’s great book, Mating in Captivity, and you’ll know why!
They found that emotional connection and being vulnerable were major turn-on’s or as the journalist states,…” 92 percent reported that it’s a turn-on when their partner shows emotional vulnerability. “Talking about how you feel, instead of what you think, taps into that vulnerable state,” says Britton. “You’ll understand each other more deeply, which makes you feel closer.” And having a strong emotional connection in turn triggers a powerful sexual bond….”
Now for the drum roll, here’s another shocker: “57 percent of respondents said they view porn for inspiration” to which I say, Amen! I’m so tired of reading about the horrors of porn or explicit erotic material, as it causes ‘addiction’. Puh-leez; let’s use moderation in everything we do, whether its how often we Tweet, answer a FB post, drink another Pepsi or beer, eat another hot dog, or watch arousal material. Porn isn’t the problem any more than it’s the presence of Fish N Chips: It’s what we do with it! And the final finding that made some sense while it was also confusing is that most of the survey folks preferred to stick with 2-4 of the same sexual positions while doing it. I observed that once you hit your stride or get into your unique pattern for sex, or find your groove, it’s tough to change that; then again a little variety never hurt our dopamine production, now, did it?