We are going to focus on a process which I often recommend for couples, which I term the “CNAC Solution.” What’s that?
C for Communicate,
N for Negotiate,
A for agreement, and
C for compromise.
If you and your S.O. can learn to move through those four steps when you are facing a conflict of any kind in your relationship, especially a conflict that occurs between the sheets, you will find your way out. Briefly, here’s how it works: Talk about what each of you wants, needs and will/will not tolerate. Negotiate some options that you can live with. Find a place, no matter how weak or small it may seem, for agreement. And then compromise. This little technique can save a relationship from falling into the pit of doom, and if you don’t understand how to get to compromise start over.
I know this may seem contrived. But believe me when I tell you…despite the mentality that men think about sex something like every 7 minutes (or was that seconds?) and that the women are immersed in their motherhood or jobs and never get around to it… the fact is that unless you are newly dating a sexy chick or dude, or are a bag of raging hormones from dusk till dawn, if you are like the rest of the swarms of humanity, sex comes after all the other stuff in a day’s to-do list.
Yes, sex feels great and is a good tension reliever. And, yes, it is a great way to say, “I love you”, but in busy lives it gets put by the wayside. That’s why writing down an erotic idea (something that is sexy and that could imagine doing or having done to you sexually—even teasing is fine) will get you in the mode and maybe the mood for sex. I am not advocating that you pop into your SUV after your post-it routine and jerk off. I am saying that if you keep a focus, first thing each day, on that special aspect of your sexual being, you may find that you have a more satisfying sexlife.